spmistheshit

Thu, 02 Feb 2006 04:58:04 GMT

i just wanted to say that i've gone to the gyme three days in a row w00t!!

Wed, 25 Jan 2006 03:18:21 GMT

so, last night i was talking to justin and learned that my dad is pretty much going to be owned in divorce court. temporarily my mom has full custody, the house, and 400 dollars a month. at first i was really happy slash excited about this. and now i don't know how to feel. i'm happy for my mom and happy that my dad didn't get the rediculous settlement he wanted (full custody, child support, and alamony) but then again i feel torn at the same time. i'm not sure how i should feel, but oh well, i don't really know what else to say about this...

other than that life's pretty good. classes aren't too stressful yet. cognitive seems like it'll be a bitch but oh well it's a requirement. soc of family seems like it'll be an interesting class. bio's gonna be cake, almost too easy. management seems surprisingly interesting and applied develpment should be really easy too.

well i think that's about it...

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 07:09:14 GMT

ps

i want clair to be herrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre. it's so weird to be in geneseo without her :( and emily for that matter. alright i'm really done now

Sun, 15 Jan 2006 07:08:13 GMT

right now i feel like utter shit. sore throat, runny nose, i'm pretty sure a fever, and just general shitery. how much is it like me that i would get sick right when i get to school. on top of not feeling well physically i'm of course feeling my traditional transition freak out. i wish jordan was here to talk to about it. or clair or emily, i need some estrogen. and jordan, i mean that in the nicest way. (i love you) and idk i'm just not feeling myself, i'm tired and i know i should go to bed but at the same time i totally don't want to. well i think that's all the whinning for now, hopefully i'll be feeling better soon.
night

Thu, 05 Jan 2006 03:27:04 GMT

i'm feeling a bit fat and lazy today. i went for a run yesterday and was actually quite impressed, i was able to run a mile without stopping, at least sort of. i started out slow and warmed up and stopped to stretch but i never once walked and i was able to push it and keep going. today however, i just couldn't get the motivation. after amc i just went on and watched one life and then i just got on my computer and that's what i did pretty much all day, which i guess is ok i just wish i hadn't been so lazy, wish i could have gotten at least a little motivation, cause i know if i had just started i would have been fine, but oh well, can't turn back time. ::spontaneously starts belting out the cher:: so here's hoping that tomorrow will be better. ps i've decided to work on my posture cause it's seriously redic, we'll have to see how long this lasts but seriously i think it's sad that it hurts me quite a bit to sit the way you're *supposed* to. well i think that's about it for now. life isn't too excited but quite thankfully is't quite boring either. this breaks actually been going really well so far. we'll have to see if this keeps up with emily being gone and with just the sheer length of time at home increasing. pps i HATE not having a mouse, smart thinking melissa not bringing it this break.

Tue, 03 Jan 2006 21:32:24 GMT

my books have to be less than $450 this semester in order to buy an ipod. i'm still really unsure about this but i've been wanting one for a looong time so who knows. maybe this'll be the year. ::crosses fingers::

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 22:48:28 GMT

knightweb i HATE you right now. i really want to know my grades and yeah they're probably not in et anyways but still i want to at least check. see if anything has been posted. accounting should hopefully be posted soon. i mean the final was all multiple choice and all the other grades were computed. so, i'm crossing my fingers that my accounting grade will be posted soon. back to cleaning the common room and the fridge that smells like death.

well i guess i chose the right major

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 04:50:11 GMT

You scored as Psychology. You should be a Psychology major!

</td>

Psychology

92%

Theater

75%

Anthropology

75%

Sociology

75%

Biology

50%

Engineering

50%

Philosophy

50%

Mathematics

25%

Journalism

25%

Art

25%

Chemistry

17%

English

Dance

Linguistics

What is your Perfect Major?
created with QuizFarm.com

Mon, 19 Dec 2005 04:21:51 GMT

sometimes i wish we still talked...

lot of work to do and what does melissa do?

Sun, 11 Dec 2005 04:57:18 GMT

write an entry of course!! so, i have three, yes three, papers due for women's studies on monday. i have yet to start any of them or read the book for the crd or even think about my thesis for either final paper. oh well, i guess it'll all get done (i hope). other than the women's studies papers not much is going on. haven't started studying for finals yet but i think none of them will be too bad. Personality will probably be the hardest, being cumulative and a class i've never really liked or really studied for. oh well, maybe i'll get some people to study with and it'll be all good (again i hope). abnormal prolly won't be too bad, i've really enjoyed taking that class, i hope to take a lot more classes with jenny katz i really like her, and i was quite happy to recieve a note on my last paper about how much she enjoyed having me in calss (yes i know i'm a big nerd, but oh well). this semester has gone by soooo fast. it seems to have gone by the quickest, espcially when i compare it to first semester last year, which probably seemed like the longest. i still can't believe that the semester is over, it'll be interesting going home again. i'm thinking that i'm going to come out to my dad on the drive home back to syracuse. i'm not really affraid or how he'll react i just think that i should come out to him. once i come out to my dad i'll be out to almost everyone in my family, out to at least all the people i want to be out to. along the same lines, it'll be interesting to see if my cousin says anything about me saying i'm interested in women on facebook. for awhile i took it down but decided to put it back up. i don't really want anyone on that side of the family to know but oh well. who knows maybe she won't even notice. well i think that's about it for now.

Sat, 03 Dec 2005 07:43:49 GMT

i miss my suities :(

why not write an update

Mon, 28 Nov 2005 05:59:46 GMT

so...thanksgiving was fun. didn't do any of the work i should have, oops. this week'll probably now be hell, 10 page personality paper due friday, accounting test thursday, and a CRD for women's studies due on friday. but for whatever reason i'm not really freaking out about it. i dont know if that's because i'm just in denial or if it really isn't too bad. wish me luck.

thanksgiving was a lot of fun actually. i haven't seen aunt linda or erica in a while so it was fun to hang with them. all we pretty much did was watch the l word all break, which is always a good time. although watching it was a bit depressing at times. watching the l word while actually getting some is much more fun than watching the l word while being alone. but all in all it was still fun to watch with the fam fam. it was cute my aunt who's usually in bed by 9 stayed up till almost 1:30 watching it one night.

i have realized that one of the main reasons i don't enjoy coming home is how fucking messy my room is. my room has about 11+ years worth of junk in it. a lot mine but a rather large proportion not mine. it's just crappy to come home to a compelte mess where my sheets are covered in cat hair and my room is a landfill. and the shittiest part is i'm too lazy to actually clean it. or rather it's just too much of a mess that i don't even know where to start. i want my room to be cleaned entriely out and start to just start over, which i realize is impossible but still, would be ideal.

not having all the money in the world can really suck sometimes. i want things, my mom feels like i'm pressuring her and not appreciating her, and then i feel as if she trys to make me feel guilting for wanting things. me and my mom got into a huge fight in kohl's on saturday about the money issue. i can't even really remember what spawned the argument or what we were specifically fighting about, but i do know that money was the root of our argument. i feel bad that one of the only times we actually spent together we ended up fighting, but i think we redeemed ourselves at dinner. i really fucking hate money and the things it does to people. it's like i want these things that i don't necessarily need, like a fleece jacket. i feel bad but i want one mostly for the status symbol. i mean a large part of wanting one is because i'm sick of wearing sweatshirts everywhere and it'd be nice to have one but there is also a large part of me that wants one for the status, which makes me feel like a terrible person. but anyways i wish money wasn't an issuse and me and my mom could get along all the time. but i guess we don't live in a perfect world...

well i think that's about it, maybe i'll keep updating on a regular basis...

Tue, 22 Nov 2005 08:36:09 GMT

Exhausted but wanted to make one last comment before bed...

everyone should see "boys don't cry" at least once in their life. it is such a depressing movie but it is so amazing. at first i sort of hated it, just for the fact that it was so upsetting. i can't say that i enjoy it now or would watch it for entertainment but i can realize how amazing the movie truely is. i got the chace to watch the movie for the second time in women's studies, and discuss the movie to some extent. i am too exhausted to talk about class or any discussion we might have had tonight but i might update tomorrow. i am going to be home all the rest of this week so i might be updating more regularly.

goodnight all...

Sun, 20 Nov 2005 08:29:16 GMT

i've been feeling really depressed lately. i don't really know why, i'm hoping it's because i'm getting my period soon. all i know right now is that i hate how i'm feeling, bittet, lonely, allienated, depressed, distance and pissy at those around me. feeling this way sucks so much. taking everying seriously and taking it as a personal offence. feeling as if i'm going to cry any second. i just wish i wasn't so depressed right now, i wish was wasn't feeling so angry and upset with my friends, taking any little thing they say or do as a personal attack, which i have to come up with a snippy remark to. i just feel shitty in general recntly. well, here's hoping i feel better soon...

just cause i have a ton of work i should be doing

Wed, 19 Oct 2005 00:24:07 GMT

let's see, i don't really have anything to write on here recently. life's going alright i guess. way too much homework that i've put off way too long. i really don't have a clue as to what to write for my women's studies class. i really hate classes that are so easy in class but then the papers, test, etc are sooo hard. i have a take home test due next wednesday and i'm really worried about it. the one essay for carol faulkner is on the book i didn't decide to read and stuff i don't think we really ever talked about in class. i think i'll be able to do the essay for anne a bit easier but i'm still really worried. in some ways i wish they were in class essays that way i could just take them and get it over with instead of constantly worry about them for 2 weeks.

i need to get my ass in gear in all aspects of school work. i have to really start getting CRDs done for women's studies, do my women's studies take home test, do my abnormal paper, do my personality summary table, for psych articles i've yet to look at, and make sure not to get behind in accounting. i'm glad i'm taking accounting cause i think it'll be my only A, unless i magically do well on my personality test. which i guess could happen, i think i did much better on the second essay part but i dont know if i did well enough to make up for the other half of the test. i'm really worried about the summary table to personality. i really hate reading psych articles and i SUCK at it. i usually just don't get them. i need to make sure not to fuck up and leave it to last min, especially cause the same day the summary table's due so is the take home test for women's studies. well i think if i write anymore about homework my head'll explode.

ps if anyone from my women's studies class happens to read this a message would be awesome, even if just to discuss our ideas

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 00:36:28 GMT

booooooooooored. and i really don't want to study for accounting. however, i should prolly at least study for a little while longer. go over stupid adjs. buuuuuuuuut maybe i will maybe i won't. most likely i will. i also have about 100+ pages to read for women's studies, blaaaah, i just don't want to do it.

so i got my women's studies CRD back and my abnormal test back today. not too good not too bad on either. 14.5/20 on my CRD, eh, not too good but i hear eisenberg is a hard grader and hopefully i'll do better on the next ones. then i got a 88% on my abnormal test. idk i'm not too psyched about that. i did really well on the multiple choice, but then did pretty bad on the short answer. i guess i didn't go into detail enough, hopefully i'll raise my grade in that class too.

i find that if i do a lot of work one day and get a lot accomplished the next like 3 days i feel like i have the "right" not to do any more work. i feel like i should be rewarded for my hard work. but sadly college/life just doesn't work that way. once i accomplish one thing i need to keep up the good work and not take the next few days off. i'm going to try and work on this.

well i think that's about it...

Thu, 22 Sep 2005 21:55:35 GMT

i'm bored and at work.

i've been thinking about the whole updating thing. sometimes i feel bad for not doing it often enough but then i'm just like my god melissa how self-centered are you to think that people really care that much. when i was at home writing on here was nice cause it gave me "someone" to "talk" to. i had a place to write out what i was thinking/feeling cause i didn't really have anyone at home to talk to about it. so, i guess the point of this entry is to say that i probably won't be updating very often when i'm at school, and really if you ever want to know anything just ask. i'm figuring most of the people who read this will already be hearing all about my life anyways, cause god knows i loooooove to talk. alright well i guess this is it for a little while anyways...

Sun, 11 Sep 2005 00:26:06 GMT

you know, everyone says i have a terrible singing voice but i don't really give a fuck, cause i love singing my heart out to all my favorite songs. just a random thought i just had.

i find it strange that there are times that i really want to write a post but can't cause i'm doing something else, but then when i try to sit down and write it out i can't. it's actually rather frustrating.

i think that's all i want/can say at the moment.

Sun, 04 Sep 2005 19:19:05 GMT

well here i am updating in brodie mac lab agai, prolly where a lot of my updating is gonna be from now on. i should prolly be doing work but i decided to take a break prolly a lot longer ago than i'd like to think to check if i could still drop a class and have yet to get back to work. i would really like to drop my sociology class but since add drop "week" is over i guess i can't. (if there's anyone out that that would know how to drop the class still please tell me how). the class just seems like sooo much work and really 2 classes with anne einsberg in a row seems a bit much. that and i really don't need either of the classes but the women's studies seems much more interesting. i'm actually quite pissed at myself right now for not dropping the class earlier but for some reason i have a strange aversion to dropping classes and who knows maybe i'll end up liking it but right now it just seems like sooo much work for a class i don't really need, well that i actually don't need at all. well actually i guess i could use it as an elective but i don't really know how that works. how many do i need, what classes can count etc... well i think that's enough complaining about that class for now.

i think i actually really like most of my classes. women's studies seems like it's gonna be a lot of work and reading but interesting stuff. abnormal seems like its gonna be a blast and a lot of fun, plus i LOVE learning about different psychopathology and their etiology, that's right i pulled out the big psych words. personality is pretty late in the day and by my last class i'm pretty tired but i think mariana and jess'll be able to keep me awake. the class it's self doesn't seem too hard and not too many assignments, should prolly get started on the reading tho. and last but not least accounting...seems like it's actually going to be pretty interesting. so those are my classes...

the work load this semester seems INSANE. i'm already fucking behind and here i am on AIM and livejournal in a perfectly quiet brodie mac lab not doing work. i just hope i can stay afloat with all this work.

um personal life...let's see...i think i'll save it for a friends only post. and with that i think i'm done with this entry.

haven't updated is sooo fucking long

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 05:16:37 GMT

well it's been a shit load of time since i've updated. from being on cape cod to packing for college i guess i just haven't had the time. i'm still not quite sure if i'm excited or what about going back to school. i did finally talk to my roomate. she seems pretty cool so i'm hoping/thinking we'll get along. however, i was thinking about how weird it's gonna be not living in the same room with clair. not having her there to help me edit papers, not being there to get creeped out when i talk to my computer. it'll just take some getting used to i guess. but i mean it won't be that bad she is in the same suite. and who knows the two freshman might end up living together and me and clair roomies again.

i feel kind of bad, i was talking to emily online today and she was just soo excited about going back and idk i just don't feel like anything. it was weird even talking to her, like we didn't have the usual flow we usually have, i'm just hoping it's cause i haven't talked or seen her in so long and that we'll get back into the swing on things once we're living together. but idk i'm just not excited about going back and i hate that i'm not cause i've been bitching about being at home like all summer and wanting to go back the entire time but when it comes to the time to go back i'm like dragging my feet and don't want to go. but i guess it's just the jitters about living in a new dorm, new roomie, new classes, new job, new responsibilties with research etc...

you know i think i haven't been updating recently just cause my thoughts are totally all over the place. i give tons of congrats to those who have made it through this entry and understood it. i guess to sum up i'm just totally petrified to go back to school. it's almost like i'm a freshman all over again, it definitely feels like i am for some reason. well i think i'm done with this entry cause i really think i just need to get back to geneseo and get back used to college life and everything will be groovey, hopefully better than groovey even.

feelin better but still freaking the fuck out about college

Mon, 08 Aug 2005 02:59:30 GMT

so today and yesterday have been a lot better. i went lezapollooza hit up shoppingtown mall yesterday and i was actually able to find so really great jeans. and i even purchased my first pair of man pants. meagan i am keeping them aaaaaaaand my mom LOVED them, what is it with moms loving man pants?!

today i went to the mall again with my mom. again it was actually a good shopping experience. got 2 more pairs of jeans from american eagle, yea i know it's crazy. but OMG i'm a SIX at american eagle, i think that like made my life. so i ended up getting two pants there and a $40 sweat shirt that i'm pretty sure i'll end up returning, i think the fact that i found jeans that fit and that were 6's made me a little manic and crazy. and i also ended up getting an american eagle card. who knows why, i think the constant asking made me give in. i swear to got i was asked like 10 times within an hour.

after going to american eagle we went to jc penny to find a bathing suit. i don't really like mine but i also don't hate it. i think it kind of looks like a middle aged woman's bathing suit but my boobs are WAY too big for a two piece or at least the ones i was looking at.

after getting the bathing suit we headed to old navy to pick up some shirts. found some nice ones and a zip up sweat shirt. also got an old navy card. woohooo now i magically have 3 credit cards that my mom's like oh i'll pay the bill for them. but i think what's gonna happen is i'll take out some money and give it to her so she can pay the bill but i'll still be paying for it. cause idk how i feel about her paying for my bills like i'd crazily like to pay for them myself. idk i guess i want to take the responsibility.

so i'm feeling better about clothes but am still freaking out about how little time i actually have left in syracuse. like 4 days, FOUR days!!!! i can't fucking handle it. i want to see my friends, i still need to get stuff, i still need to call my roomate!! it's just sooo hard to make plans with friends. sometimes i really don't want to go to cape cod with the fam fam but idk it's like a tradition. i've been going to cape cod in augest for as long as i can remember. and i don't really want to stay in syracuse by myself. but there still is that small part of me that just wants to stay so i can see my friends for another week.

well i think that's all for now. i feel really weird right now. like jittery for no reason, i think it's cause i haven't eaten in awhile. so i think i'm gonna try and get something to eat.

oh how i love my period

Sat, 06 Aug 2005 03:02:38 GMT

i'm not ready for college. plain and simple. i don't have all the shit i need, i have yet to call my roomate and talk to her, my suitmates and i have yet to buy furniture or even really think about it, i don't have clothes, and i feel like i'm just not emotionally ready.

i don't know why, well it's prolly cause of my period, but i've been really irritable and depressed lately. being quick temered with my mom and siblings, disinterested at my job, and almost crying at the drop of a hat. like with clothes, i've been trying to find pants cause frankly i'm in desperate need of them, at the moment i have one pair that i like with a huge hole in the crotch. all the jeans i try on just dont fit and i just don't know what to do. and it might seem stupid to whine about such a stupid thing about pants but it's just soooo fucking frustrating. cause i need pants and i just feel fat trying on a million pairs and having none of them fit. i just about cryed today in the mall. like i said i'm a fucking emotional reck.

so when i got home i did cry. freaking out about work tomorrow, which i really really really don't want to go to. it's the weekend AND the last weekend before going to cape cod so really my last weekend before going back to school. and there's so much i want to do, see my friends, get clothes, buy toilettries and such...i it's just really shitty timing. well i was actually crying about work cause i couldn't find the sheet i needed to see what i'm doing tomorrow. but i luckily did find it and i'm doing coffee filter art tomorrow 1:15-5:15 and need to wear my camp shirt, which i think is still in the washer, so here goes some more crying. i just can't handle life right now. it's too much getting ready for college, getting ready for camping, saying goodbye to people. i'm just soooo stressed and i just want to crawl into a hole and just sleep or watch tv right now.

so, i'm hoping that i'll be able to get to the mall one of these days and one of these days quick, like maybe sunday? i don't know when does the mall close on sunday? cause right now i don't even have a bathing suit and we're going to cape cod in less than i week.

well i dont think i can continue to write right now cause as i do i just get more depressed and more stressed...

Fri, 05 Aug 2005 04:05:57 GMT

so my college tuition has officially been paid and i can now officially start freaking out about going back now. i also feel like a bitch and that i wasn't greatful enough to my mom who has gone into more debt to pay for my ass to go to college. that's all i can write for now cause i'm currently falling asleep at the keyboard but i'm gonna try and be better at updating more frequently.

Tue, 02 Aug 2005 03:49:09 GMT

so today i think i had my first official freak out about college that was quickly taken over by the fact that jeans just don't fit me. but let's go back to my college freak out first.

i hate how fucked up i am when it comes to change. i've complained all summer about being home but now i'm totally in a schedule. and now i'm going back to school and i know i'm going to be miserable. the only question is for how long. i'm hoping it won't be too bad, i will be living with people i love and other people won't be too far away. so, it's not gonna be like last year, when i had NO ONE. but here i am still freaking out. i so need to start thinking about the stuff i'm gonna bring to schoo. i need to preorder my books. i need to do so much shit before going. i have to make sure i actually am going. the money thing still have me freaked out. my dad was rejected the student loan so i guess i'm getting $1,900 more in stafford loans each semester but it's just like $1,200 and i don't really have that kind of cash. and i don't want my parents to go even more into debt but i just don't know what to do. money is just really tight and really shitty right now. so right now i guess i shouldnt be freaking out about transitioning into college before i figure out how i'm going to pay for it. my mom says it's not a question of whether i'm going but how i'm paying but i still think there's a slight chance that i won't be going, which freaks me out even more than the thought of going. so, we're calling tomorrow and i hope it'll all be taken care of.

so to totally change the subject cause i really don't want to think about it now, what a great coping mechanism huh, me and mom went to kohls tonight to pick up some jeans. at the moment i have about one pair that i like and there's a hole that's continually getting larger in the crotch. but i just could NOT find a pair of jeans that fit me. it sucked sooooo much. it was like shopping for a prom dress all over again. i just feel so weird, like why can't i find pants that fit me, is my figure fucked up or do i just like pants that fit wrong?! so i found 3 pairs that fit kind of ok, i'm hoping they shrink a little in the wash.

work's been work. not too bad not too great. but i never did get to rant about my evaluation so i think i shall do that now. so, i got staright 2s out of 4. and i'm just like wtf, first of all it looks like they took no effort in actually filling it out, and second of all i think i deserve better than 2s. i've been working hard and i think i work really well with the kids. but idk the only comment was that i've been a better leader this year than last so i guess i'm doing an ok job or at least better than last year and i got rehired so i guess it can't be that bad. but i don't think my leadership skills are that bad. me and jaleesa work really well together and i think we're both good leaders. i think a good leader works with people and doesn't just take charge without asking others opinions. so i don't know why they think i'm a bad leaeder, maybe i'm just more quiet at work or when the bosses are around, which i think is true. but i've always been like that, really quiet and submissive around bosses. but oh well i guess they evaluation should be good enough to get me the job again next year but i just think i deserve better.

i think that's pretty much it for what's going on in my life. i'm gonna try and update more often cause when i don't i get out of practice and my entries suck a lot more. so look forward to more updates from me. peace

Sun, 31 Jul 2005 21:52:24 GMT

so i just got my roommate assignment and i'm petrified to call and talk to her.